How to Feel Attracted to My Husband Again

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Is it possible to reignite the fire?

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Not being sexually attracted to your husband is a more prevalent trouble than you may think. Many women are married to men that they aren't sexually attracted to. Perhaps they were never attracted to them, to begin with, or perhaps over time they became less and less attracted. Sometimes the wives beloved their husbands, sometimes they like them, and sometimes they don't. There is a lot you tin can do to help ensure this lack of attraction doesn't touch your marriage for long.

In this article, I will discuss the importance of sex activity in marriage, some common reasons women aren't attracted to their husbands sexually, and what to do almost it for both wives and husbands.

Expectations That Come With Matrimony

In that location are sure expectations that go with beingness married to someone else, and one of those is centered around the notion of intimacy. A married couple is expected to be physically and emotionally intimate with each other, and specifically, a lack of concrete intimacy can cause issues in the relationship, both emotional and legal.

The legal organization in the United states considers a consistent lack of marital sex as a reason for divorce. "Abandonment of Affection" means that one spouse has left the other spouse in the common cold in the chamber. Thus, there is added pressure level to be intimate with your spouse, which can be problematic if you lot are not sexually attracted to them. Many women experience that they are under constant pressure to appoint in intimate acts with their husbands, and such pressures only exasperate the trouble many women have when it comes to being attracted to their spouse.

Another angle to consider is that your husband loved yous plenty to marry you lot, which is an increasingly rare expression of love by men in our modern era. He does intendance almost you deeply, and he is near likely just as concerned as yous are near the lack of attraction you feel for him. Solving this issue will accept the combined efforts of both parties; it is not upwards to y'all to try to fix everything past yourself.

Reasons Why Women Are Not Attracted to Their Husbands

In that location are plenty of reasons why you may not be attracted to your husband. The important thing to consider is what y'all can do to remedy those issues. Open communication is a skilful place to start. If you lot practice non let your married man know that you are feeling this way, that will only make the situation worse. Go on the dialog betwixt the two of you open.

1. You lot married him because he had great "husband" qualities: He treats you well, he works xl hours a week, and your likes and interests match up. Notwithstanding, you were never sexually attracted to him from the get-go of the relationship. He provides the emotional stability you lot crave, just he cannot delight you physically.
2. He has physically inverse over the years: You don't detect his appearance to exist a turn-on anymore. Mayhap he is balding or 50 pounds heavier than when you lot met. All you know is that he doesn't await like the sexy guy you married anymore. Maybe he also dresses like a slob, and he has permit his pilus get mode likewise long.
3. He has said or done things that have hurt you lot over fourth dimension: Y'all no longer see him as agreeable to your senses. You have learned near the chinks in his armor, and you lot feel like you can't turn back from this. At present y'all see all of his flaws and focus in on them, poking holes in everything he does.
4. He has stopped beingness attracted to you: Attraction is a ii-manner street so it is possible that your husband is no longer interested in having sexual practice with y'all, which in turn can cause you to feel the same way. He may also no longer be expressing his love for you in a style that you lot understand and accept. Let your husband know what turns y'all on and what he can practice to be more affectionate.

How to Get More Attracted to Your Husband

Here are some strategies for you to endeavor out. They may help develop more than attraction towards your husband or at to the lowest degree cause his attractiveness to increase in your eyes.

• Practice something thrilling and exciting: Studies from the American Psychological Association have shown that doing thrilling and exciting activities increases sexual attraction in couples. So, try to choice an activeness that neither of you has done before, something that will get the blood moving and the adrenaline pumping. You can try zip-lining, hang gliding, skydiving, going to a rock concert, go-cart racing, or something else that breaks up your mundane routine.
• Stare securely into his eyes: While this may sound weird, at that place is scientific prove to back up that gazing deeply into someone else'due south eyes for an extended catamenia will increase your attraction to them. Yeah, but staring into your husband's eyes for minutes on finish may seem a scrap creepy but information technology is worth a shot. The trick is not to say anything and continue your eyes broad open. Start out by trying it for near two minutes direct and come across how you feel.

• Get lost in the feeling: The side by side time the 2 of you lot get intimate, focus on how he makes you feel, what you like, and dislike. Don't worry about how your husband looks, how you look, most how you don't become along, or well-nigh by mistakes he's made. Forget it all and get lost in how the awareness feels of existence touched in the right places. Yous will exist amazed at what the hope of an orgasm does for your level of sexual interest, and what an orgasm for both of you will do for your relationship. Trying to establish that deep concrete bond is difficult, and so that is why keeping the lines of advice open up with your husband is disquisitional.
• Imagine your hubby in his best state: Do you remember when your married man was at his fittest? Do you remember the days before he said those things that hurt your feelings? Practice yous remember when yous had that great date together—long ago—that fabricated you feel loved, secure, and happy? Wedlock, as you know, takes a great deal of work. As time passes, we forget some of the magic if we don't actively refine our appreciation for the ameliorate parts of our spouses. Whether the magic was based on physical attraction, a deep sense of caring, beloved, or affection, you lot can harness that into physical love. How? Past relaxing, using your imagination to have yous back to the better parts, and opening yourself up, literally. You volition probably find there is a lot more to love that you just forgot nearly over the years.

Why Sex Is Important in Marriage

As I've previously discussed, maintaining a salubrious sexual relationship is an integral part of any marriage. Here are a few reasons why being intimate with your spouse is important for your well-being.

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1. Sex bonds a husband and wife together through the production of oxytocin, the hormone released during orgasm that increases feelings of love and attachment between the couple.
2. The ability of touch. Both sexual and romantic touching increases the feeling of intimacy between a couple. Since this touching is reserved for a husband and married woman but, the thought is that no one else in the world can provide yous pleasure the way your spouse does.
3. Women who experience regular orgasms or heightened sexual pleasure report better moods and happier lives. Sex relieves stress in both women and men, and this makes your walk through life a more pleasant one, despite the ups and downs of daily existence. In The Sexual practice-Starved Marriage, by Michele Weiner Davis, the author explores just how much the mood of your marriage will improve with more frequent sex.
4. When you and your husband have a consistent level of sex, it improves his tendencies as an empathetic partner, and he volition reciprocate that level of pleasure to you. This demand for consequent pleasure is biologically wired into men and women.

Equally you can see from the points above, consistent sex improves your zipper to him and your bond as a married couple, and it is a disquisitional component of a salubrious marriage.

What to Do If Your Wife Is Non Physically Attracted to You

While this commodity has primarily been focused on women, here are some steps for men to follow to increase their attractiveness in the eyes of their spouse.

• Go far better shape: It can exist like shooting fish in a barrel for a married homo to let himself become and offset getting out of shape. Develop an practice routine that is based around increasing strength and losing fat. This is the same approach y'all should apply to your eating patterns: cut out candy junk food and swallow sensibly.
• Apparel and await better: This may seem like a no-brainer, but many men think that they can abound out their hair and dress terribly because they are married. Go a good haircut and commencement preparation yourself regularly. Become out and by some stylish clothes that fit your trunk and make you expect and feel not bad.
• Focus on her: Instead of e'er thinking about your pleasance and satisfaction, attempt to keep your attention on your married woman and her needs. Continue an open line of communication and develop a strategy to work on getting back the intimacy you once had.
• Go to wedlock counseling: Seeing a good family/union therapist can help y'all and your wife work through your intimacy issues. Chances are if at that place are bug in the bedroom, in that location are other issues in your marriage that are not beingness addressed the correct way.

Final Annotation

Whatever you practice, equally long equally yous wish to remain married, working on sexual want and intimacy should be a priority. It volition exist highly rewarding for both y'all and your spouse. Sex can bring magic back into your marriage or aid place it there when there really wasn't much to begin with. Two people in a marriage are constantly evolving. You can cull how to evolve.

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This content is accurate and true to the best of the writer'south knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional person.

Questions & Answers

Question: What if I am sexually attracted to someone other than my husband?

Answer: Y'all are likely to be sexually attracted to dissimilar people your whole life, only because it's natural. You only need to non human action on those urges with others.

Question: I have a fellow whom I honey very much, but whenever he touches me I don't feel romantic, though he does all kind of romantic touches. Do I take any physical problem?

Answer: Probably non. Not beingness physically attracted to someone doesn't mean you have a concrete problem. Dearest and concrete attraction are sometimes not felt towards the aforementioned person.

Question: I actually care for my husband, but lately, I don't want him touching me. I don't experience attracted to him. Is there something wrong with me?

Answer: No, your feelings can alter well-nigh another man being at whatsoever fourth dimension. Many wives and husbands go through phases like this, but it is best to notice a mode to be intimate all the same.

Question: I am a very sexual person, but when I look at my married man, I don't want to practise anything with him. He watches porn and no affair how many times I tell him it's not attractive to me, it continues in secrecy. Am I asking for too much? Tin this even be solved?

Answer: I am going to requite you some unconventional advice. You lot might exist asking for likewise much. If his negative behavior is express to watching porn, and he doesn't cheat on you lot, endeavour using your own fantasies/toys, etc. to become aroused and sleep with him. You did non say whether you 2 accept an agile sexual activity life with each other, and then I am trying to embrace all bases. Is it possible that a lack of intimacy could be causing his behavior in some part? Many married men sentinel porn in clandestine. If they don't practice this then they probably undress women in public with their optics even when their girlfriends or wives are with them anyhow. This is with having an active sex activity life.

There is no way to finish a human being from desiring to look at the female form, only you could reduce his rate of watching porn with a fully active sexual activity life. I give you this advice with the idea that you are interested in staying in your union. Another alternative is marital counseling for both of you to accost the issue. Also consider that married women sometimes watch porn out of convenience when they don't experience similar going through a full sexual activity human activity or if they have fantasies they don't share with anyone, even their husbands. Women also await at men they discover sexually attractive in public. Non that these last two things pertain to yous, but both men and women have desires. If you can find a way to take the first step and enjoy sex regularly with your married man you might find some of this result dissolves on its ain.

Although I don't really disregard watching pornography when a person is married, I'm approaching this from the angle that many people practice it anyway.

Question: I love my husband, only I feel as if I could exist in dear with another man. Is this incorrect?

Answer: I am not going to guess you though I do believe information technology is incorrect. However, people's feelings are a natural part of being alive, and many go through these feelings every single day. What happens in your mind is different from what y'all play out in life, with the latter making the departure in your and other people's lives.

Question: My married woman enjoys sex when we have it, but never expresses any sexual desire for me. She is sometimes "in the mood" and lets me know, but I never feel whatever passion from her and information technology's normally me who initiates. This has always been truthful for xx years. Am I wrong for feeling that she'southward not attracted to me?

Answer: No, but I don't remember she really lacks allure for you. Not all women have the same level of extroversion when information technology comes to sex either. If she is in the mood she is coming to you, then I call up it warrants proverb she has some king of desire for y'all. Believe it or non many women are shy almost sex and sexual thoughts fifty-fifty when they're married. You could try asking her near fantasies or any moves she'd like you to brand. And see if you can follow upward for her. You can be honest and endeavor talking to her about how you feel, if you haven't done so already. Encourage her to be open with you lot. Information technology could be that how she acts towards sexual activity is just what she thinks is normal. All-time wishes.

Question: How do I become my husband to understand my feelings if he is very hard to talk to?

Answer: I am guessing you are talking almost this equally an overall theme in marriage, and it's actually very mutual.

A lot of men are not in tune with dealing with aspects regarding feelings of other people, so your husband would not be lone in this. Similarly many men have gruff personalities, specially when information technology comes to disagreements.

If y'all've had a adventure to tell him your feelings he probably knows them. He might not empathize/relate to them/agree with them simply because he is a man and a different individual with a different perspective.

You can state to him that you feel it is difficult to talk to him and because of this you don't remember he understands your feelings. But since we are not able to change other people y'all might find his beliefs does non change, fifty-fifty if you tell him this many times.

If you lot find that virtually things about your husband are good and decent, and y'all are able to get what you demand from your union overall, then you might consider letting this go.

Existence wed to someone does not hateful they volition reply to all of our wishes. If the topic is important, however, you can lay out physical reasons why he might go with a determination you want to make. This way he is non dealing with an abstract (feelings) but is dealing with consequences, of A leads to B, or Ten causes Y.

You lot can also try softening him upwards or buttering him up if you lot've found it helps you become your manner. While men tend to not respond well to divisiveness in relationships they often soften upwardly equally a response to intimacy.

Question: Practice yous retrieve the same sexual allure issues in matrimony utilize for men besides? I'g a homo, and I'k not sexually attracted to my wife.

Answer: Yep, many of the aforementioned techniques would apply to men also.

Question: I've been with my partner nine years and I honey him very much, merely I've had no sexual practice drive for nearly 4 years at present. My unhappiness has grown to the point where I don't know if I should just be on my ain to sort myself out. I've idea recently about splitting up with my partner but I still love him. I don't know what to practise, he is the most important person in my life and has been incredibly supportive. How can I brand myself more attracted to him once again?

Answer: I wish I knew more back story about your state of affairs because I accept a feeling in that location is a deeper reason you feel the mode you do. Maybe yous could be depressed overall or have a deep corporeality of dismay about some areas of life.

Although you lot didn't inquire, if your partner is a good person and you are satisfied otherwise with the relationship, I would not let this person become. We always think the grass is greener on the other side. But once you are on the other side something else volition diameter you eventually. Every bit human beings, information technology is rare to ever exist really satisfied permanently. People who are really practiced and supportive of us do not come along that ofttimes. This person sounds very well worth holding onto.

I am non sure how one-time y'all are, but information technology is natural over fourth dimension to lose physical attraction to a spouse or long-term partner, merely considering familiarity is less heady than something new and stimulating.

Equally for intimacy, the best matter for this might be utilizing visualization and memory. You lot can try to remember when you first met your partner and how excited yous were. Yous can too focus on your favorite torso role of your partner and go from there. You can besides think of something that excites you that has nada to practise with your partner, but is a jump-off point for mental stimulation. To satisfy your partner you tin also practise some things that do not involve you lot existence personally excited but physically still satisfies them.

Endeavor enjoying other aspects of your life as well, such as a hobby you always wanted to endeavour. Often times good feelings from this will spill over into other areas of your life, such every bit relationships. My best wishes to you!

Question: How can I tell my husband that I'm not sexually attracted to him so that he will non feel upset and unwanted, is there any trouble with me that I'one thousand not sexually attracted to my husband?

Answer: My advice is non to tell him this because most people would feel unwanted or have some other reaction, like feeling betrayed. In that location isn't annihilation incorrect that you lot are not sexually attracted to him. Y'all might have married a man that you lot were not physically attracted to, to begin with, or y'all lost attraction over fourth dimension.

Question: My wife and I take been married for xiv years and we accept iv kids. I am very attracted to her but she can become months without sex. I don't desire to make her feel bad so I don't say annihilation, simply information technology'due south getting to me that she's not interested anymore. I experience she is no longer attracted to me. FYI: I am fit and I dress prissy and I besides e'er treat her with love and respect. I am not sure what to do. Advice?

Answer: I tin definitely understand you lot needing intimacy in your marriage. Many people lose interest in sex over time, whether to a small-scale or large caste. Rather than losing an attraction to you it's more probable just that to some extent relationship familiarity and comfort have taken the identify of passion that is in most people's relationships early. My question to you lot is does she respond to your initiation of lovemaking? Or does she outright pass up y'all every fourth dimension? If she's all-around and then the rest might not be a business organization.

If she is not reasonably accommodating to your needs for intimacy, information technology might exist a expert thought to let her know your business concern. Yous could too try to seduce her by remembering any fantasies or moves she'due south told yous about in the past and seeing if they still work for her.

This is a little bit of a trick, simply y'all could also test out becoming distant and absurd in your demeanor, or acting "in charge." Sometimes this will pique a partner's interest to where they will be a little agape of losing yous or non keeping you happy. This would exist a gamble for seduction also.

Question: My husband had an ongoing emotional affair. I've been trying to work through it, and was feeling confident. Merely at present, seven months afterward, I'm feeling empty and void. Is at that place help for us?

Respond: Aye, there is hope, even if it might audio anarchistic. You can always put your emotions aside for now just to atmospheric condition it through. Some people do this for reasons such as living expenses, if they have children, or because they feel ane day things will indeed get better romantically. This time of year (starting in September) is also hard on some people equally the days are getting shorter, and causes people to be more depressed.

You can make a point of trying to savour other activities together, such as hobbies. You can bond over other such things while taking the pressure off. To be intimate, you lot can also simply recall of your own physical arousal by closing your eyes and using imagination. Fantasy takes a lot of people through intimacy when they are not quite turned on by the reality.

In short, if there are any positive aspects to your marriage that y'all still enjoy, focus on those.

Question: What if you have never been attracted to your wife? And what exercise you practice if your wife is asexual and hates sex? And those rare times once every vi months she does let you accept sex, earlier you even brainstorm she complains that it hurts and she constantly keeps saying hurry up, are y'all done yet, and its only been one minute?

Answer: This would be incredibly frustrating. If you discuss this with her and she'south non willing to change, and she'south not willing to get to marital counseling to improve it, information technology is likely viable grounds for divorce.

Question: I've been married a year, I am no longer happy. I don't notice him sexually attractive, the things he says hurt me, merely he doesn't recall they do. I'm not certain what to do. I'k not even sure why we married each other anymore. 6 years together and married one of those years.... aid?

Answer: It is easy to get disillusioned when you are married. People exercise non really change equally we wish them to because they volition non generally run into themselves every bit having the faults you lot notice. Unless this person is calumniating, it might help for you to be open to changing your perspective on your hubby'south beliefs.

Virtually men are more blunt and direct in their voice communication than women are. Women are more gifted with social graces in communication. When you live with a person who has a more than direct approach, you will tend to find the same things are going to offend yous over and over for equally long as you're married. For this reason, many women find they accept to go rid of some of their sensitivities after they are married. Yes, people are on their best behavior in the beginning stages of a human relationship but when comfort sets in they become more than open with their true personalities.

The brusque answer is, "Don't allow it carp yous." I would look to run into if your husband does other things right. For case, is he a good worker? Is he protective? Does he await out for your interests overall? Is he true-blue? Information technology all comes down to what y'all tin can personally live with. Is there more than good than bad nearly him?

Your physical attraction to your married man could wane and vice-versa. Keeping your vows of promised intimacy tends to keep husbands more well-behaved as well.

Question: What if the idea of sex with your husband turns you off? I experience all the foreplay (unenjoyable) is not worth the disappointment of the 2 minutes of sexual practice I'll finish up with, if I can fifty-fifty get that. I just don't want to even effort anymore. Am I horrible for feeling this mode?

Answer: No, and this is non an uncommon thing. There is a quote somewhere along the lines of there still beingness value in people and things even when there is no longer fun or excitement associated with them. At some point in marriage familiarity takes over, and sometimes contempt along with information technology. Acknowledging your feelings to yourself is of import. Only this is where working through it -- observing obligation for intimacy to the spouse is important. Just the all-time solution for this is to enquire your husband to practice certain things that would genuinely turn you on. You might have to close your eyes and apply some imagination likewise. If you can insert some of your ain mental excitement into it that would be helpful.

Question: My fiancé and I accept a 4 month old. We've been together for 4 years, I used to be very sexually attracted to him only now I am not, and I don't want to have sex with him at all. He Ever wants to have sex, so I feel bad. I love him very much and I want to raise my girl with him. Just I observe myself very attracted to other men and I don't know what to do?

Answer: If you lot've got a good human being I would stay with him if I were y'all. The reason is that want changes and eventually declines in almost relationships. That is perfectly normal. So if you were to move on to another man you would most likely detect your desire for him would also wane eventually.

Question: I've been struggling with severe anxiety over the past few years as I wish we had moved away, I hate where we live. I've spent the by 24 hrs convincing myself I should be on my ain should I trust my judgment at this point?

Answer: I heard a practiced piece of communication a long time ago. "Don't brand decisions in an emotional state." I would counterbalance the pros and cons. Evaluate what you have to autumn back on and what other emotional support system and income you would have if y'all did movement. Would a alter be meliorate than what y'all accept now? Merely be honest in all categories.

Just as an FYI, I have anxiety issues too, and I besides accept a problem with where we live. I am 500 miles away from my parents. However, my future is with my married man. My all-time friends all live in unlike states now, which is terrible as well.

Question: My husband stopped having sex activity with me over 4 years ago, due to abiding arguments considering of his mother. At present with the lack of intimacy and closeness, I really find him unattractive. I have tried to talk about the necessity of a physical relationship just he volition not brand the endeavor. He has said things to me like I am too much hard work, I remember considering I don't accept an orgasm during sex activity. And he does not desire to make me happy. Anyhow, I am lost. What can I exercise?

Respond: I exercise call up counseling for the both of you would be the best help in this case, merely you could also effort some unconventional things. Outset, how is the mood at home? Try keeping the domicile a lighthearted and happy place. Since you accept a history together, your home is a place of both good and bad memories. Try doing some things that put you in a happy mood. Also, offering him oral sexual practice, or just try starting it out of nothing when y'all're sleeping in bed together. I strongly suggest this. This requires no try to delight you on his role. Yous might discover this sends a skilful jolt into your relationship. Besides, think most a makeover -- a look that would brand you lot feel really expert and perhaps might wake your husband up a little. As for orgasms, you can try using toys on yourself to give yourself an orgasm. You can too tell him you would use them to practice this, which would accept the pressure off of him. Yous can likewise tell him yous don't need an orgasm to enjoy sex.

Question: What if as the husband I have tried all (not perfect) with no existent change? When pushing her about some of this she told me she wasn't attracted to me anymore. It affects my entire life and I battle with depression feeling so unloved.

Reply: It would be difficult to confront this situation with your spouse treating yous this way. Equally long as you have been holding upwards your expected role in the marriage and treated her well there is non much else you lot can practise. If yous take care of yourself physically in that location is also not much else y'all can practise improve someone's attraction to you. That is out of your easily. My all-time suggestion to you is to address the depression and marriage in therapy. Try to do some things you enjoy, so your entire existence isn't wrapped upwards in this situation making yous miserable. You are a worthwhile individual no matter what some other person thinks. (P.South. A small trick some people also do is to allow the other person "become." Proceed your personality and demeanor with your spouse neutral. Sometimes when we withdraw from the other person or human action every bit if nosotros are detached they get more interested once again.)

Question: Practice I tell my hubby I've fallen in love with some other human when I don't want to break upwards our family?

Answer: I would advise non telling him if you want to keep your family and union together. People get feelings for other people all the time, fifty-fifty when they're married. It doesn't mean you would need to human activity on these feelings. Temptation is everywhere for our whole lives. Animalism and the rush of new love ordinarily fades with a little bit of time. If you have something long-lasting already I wouldn't suggest trading them.

Question: I love my hubby. I can't even imagine my life without him but I but don't detect myself sexually interested in him anymore. I've tried everything to go the attraction dorsum merely cipher works. What can I do?

Answer: While it would be difficult to intentionally bring sexual attraction dorsum y'all can always use fantasy and toys to bring yourself to arousal when your married man is in the mood. After this point, he can help you consummate the human action. Sexual allure can wane in matrimony, only every bit long you take the ability to be intimate y'all tin still move frontward with it.

Question: I don't experience turned on anymore by my married man. What tin I exercise or employ to get turned on?

Answer: The use of imagination is what turns many women on. But think about what excites yous or has excited you in the by.

Question: I'm thirty-two and have felt depressed forever. I think I love my partner, but how tin can I know when I feel this bad?

Respond: I understand. I think y'all know to yourself if you love them. Perchance the dear you feel isn't romantic love merely more familial, or the honey you feel when yous are thankful to someone.

Question: My husband doesn't care about being attractive to me in the most bones ways such every bit basic personal hygiene. I find this a existent betrayal merely I am goose egg to write home most in looks, so I can't exercise more than ask. I have been very clear about this, but he but doesn't care. How can I assistance him empathise how important it is to our spousal relationship?

Answer: Information technology sounds like he has gotten very comfortable with himself. Would you be willing to lure him into the shower or tub for sex and give him a good scrub downwardly before you get to business? This might sound funny but the hope of intimacy is generally a big motivator for men. Do yous know or can you find out what else is a motivator for him? Information technology might become him to clean up.

Question: How can I relish sex when my husband can't turn me on?

Answer: Run into if you can bring yourself to excitement with imagination, toys, or even explicit content. You might find you lot are able to exist intimate so. Don't forget lubricants if you need more aid.

Question: I've been married for but a couple of years. Later on we got married my hubby found some texts from my past and said very hurtful things. I think he feels anxious because I had more sexual partners than him. Sometimes I experience actually lamentable considering I want to feel attracted to him, but I don't. He thinks he's unattractive so I don't want to tell him. I don't experience attracted to anyone. Subsequently giving nativity my sex drive changed dramatically and I've been depressed. What can I do?

Answer: Your sex drive/depression might change on its own again equally our hormones are ever irresolute. But yous could e'er look into medical intervention if y'all wish. Attraction is only part of marital intimacy. Information technology is role of the expected spousal commitment to engage in physical relations. Merely you tin can use the power of imagination/fantasy to go excited in the meantime. As long every bit you lot are healed physically, some lubricant should assist you where you lack personal moisture. You can also engage in other intimate acts besides intercourse.

Question: Can a human feel that he's not sexually attracted to his wife?

Answer: Yes, a lot of men either lose attraction to their wives. Some men do not have this attraction to their wives, to brainstorm with. Sometimes men marry what they feel would be a "skillful wife" just in that location is no physical allure otherwise. This happens with both men and women. Also, physical attraction sometimes declines over time equally a spouse gets older.

Question: I love my husband, I broke up with someone to whom I was extremely attracted for him considering he was a good stable provider and intellectual. I think of my ex all the time, and every time I even think of sex. What exercise I to change my relationship with sex and my ex?

Reply: It was skilful that you stayed with your hubby because he sounds like he has wonderful traits. It's normal to recollect of someone you have attraction and desire for. If at that place is a manner y'all can aqueduct that energy into your sleeping accommodation with your husband that would be ideal. You lot tin can alter your thoughts to perhaps recollect about any time in the past that your husband was exciting to you. You tin can incorporate a vibrator into your lovemaking to proceed the stimulation going besides. This is very useful if your mind isn't helping your trunk participate.

© 2012 Hearts and Lattes

Kara A Miller on Baronial 15, 2020:

I'm exceedingly grateful I found this site. I've never been sexually attracted to my husband, and that's worried me because I'chiliad a very sexual woman. My husband is, the but way I can put it, very immature and innocent when information technology comes to sex (despite being nigh 40 years old). I'm 31 and 7 years younger than him. I don't think he'd ever been sexually agile before we met. Nosotros've been married for three years, but we haven't been intimate for near 2 of those years. We had sex for the couple of weeks we were on our honeymoon, just I'm adventurous and he'south not and, on top of me feeling like I was forcing myself to be sexual with him, his unwillingness to try things just turned me fifty-fifty more off. His going excuse for not having sex all this time is that nosotros need to wait to have enough coin... because he's only wanting to have sex for a baby. We're shut and I know he loves me, but I feel like he'southward my brother, non my hubby. I'm desperately unhappy and unfulfilled, but he seems blissfully unaware and I can't bring myself to tell him how I really experience. I desperately want to have sex, only non with him. I don't even want to have kids with him. I feel horrible for feeling this mode, but day by mean solar day, it merely gets worse for me. I accept fantasies about other men (and women) regularly; I watch porn; I read sexually explicit stories; I use a vibrator when he isn't home; goose egg satisfies me. I feel trapped. He'due south a practiced man, a difficult working man, a kind man, and I know if I ever left him he'd fall apart...simply I'g then so so unhappy. I but don't know what to exercise.

Hayveggies on August 12, 2020:

Oh my word.... how refreshing it is to read that I am not lonely... life is then strange but I am so grateful to know that so many women are in the same predicament as I am.

Soonafter marrying... health problems developed for me that prevented us from being intimate for the start couple years, which led him to take an affair. Now I'thousand here.. non attracted like I used to be... and he is wanting to exist intimate but I am not turned on past him... whatsoever. Ugh.

Abc dhing on July 31, 2020:

Hii dear

I have married for four years...but my husband is attracted to me...he want to intimate with me but and so he started saying the names of some other women to fulfill his desires... What should i do? Plz help i love him alot and he loves me also but i don't likh this too

Patricia2212 on July 23, 2020:

Hullo, and what if the marriage has been sorta arranged and physical attraction never existed? Fifty-fifty a kiss on the lips does truly goose egg. When ane as well does not experience emotionally attached to their partner would there still be a chance to work things out? My married man is a great husband on paper he has perfect qualities and I feel secure with him but there lacks so much about our marriage. We also share dissimilar interests, humor and we both talk at a different level. I experience cipher when he approaches me no excitement nothing... Our relationship feels so superficial. I can't imagine I can ever exist intimate with him in the hereafter. When do y'all know for certain it's fourth dimension to go for a divorce? I take been married for more than two years now I experience so frustrated and confused I can't seem to develop whatever feelings for my married man while he'due south a not bad guy. Is this normal? Deep down I just know we're non compatible and that he isn't the i for me... To me in that location'southward no chemical science in this union. I fifty-fifty fantasize about getting married with someone else.... What should I practise?

JessieAd on April 20, 2020:

Hullo Sasha foster,

I feel your pain and I'm going through the exact same affair you are and I've but been married six years (together for 13 years) I honey my husband but have never been sexually attracted to him and it's just gotten worse over time, no matter what nosotros attempt. And now that I realise it's not a problem with me only I tin can feel that desire for another homo who I tin can connect with emotionally and physically in such a rare way that information technology's the deepest connectedness I've ever felt, information technology makes me confused about what I should do. Do I Stay in my spousal relationship and honour my commitment and take that I'll never be truly happy and never want to have sex or exist intimate with my husband.. ? Or practise I explore my connexion with this other human who has awakened what's been missing in me even as early on as my first year of my marriage...

Please tell me, what did yous decide to exercise?

Hearts and Lattes (author) on April 08, 2020:

Anonymous Married woman, I can sense your dedication to your family, and that is wonderful. Your feelings about your situation are also understandable. A lot of women and men are in your position. Many people ally someone because they would brand the ideal spouse character-wise. But the other areas can exist lacking, which is how the years have sometimes transpired for you. Women in their belatedly 30s and across tin starting time to have lubrication issues and soreness. One solution is an estrogen ring, which helps keep the area more optimal for intimacy. Also, some women accept had luck with a combination of lubricants and drinking ten cups of water a day. Only what many people don't discuss is that people's want tends to wane over the years even when married to someone they are attracted to, because the relationship isn't new and exciting anymore. The estrogen ring might be helpful for you, as well every bit using lubricant and the drinking water. You could besides try oral intimacy if y'all oasis't done then already. This should satisfy him also. Best wishes.

anonymous wife on April 02, 2020:

Permit me first past proverb that beloved is a verb. I believe that union is for life. I take stood by my husband through the raising of two children, poor financial decisions, several layoffs and periods of unemployment, serious wellness issues, putting my dreams on hold for a career that I never wanted, and the list goes on. Non that it'south been all bad; there have been many times of joy. He is my best friend, he treats me well, and we have had a good life together.

But, I'k not certain that I was ever in love with him. I but had the overwhelming feeling that he was the man I was meant to marry, and I never doubted information technology. I committed to spend the rest of my life with him, and I will never break that hope.

That beingness said, I no longer take any interest in a physical relationship with him. Which is a serious problem, since he is still very interested, and as his married woman, it is my responsibility to provide it. I have never been physically attracted to him. He was a bit chubby when nosotros met, and he has gained more and more weight over the years. He has been 100+ lbs. overweight for many years now.

It didn't have to happen. He could have cared more about taking care of his body, and I take always tried to help him. He is making more than of an attempt now that he has become diabetic, but it is likewise little too belatedly. I find his body repulsive, and really, could anyone blame me? If the situation was reversed, I would totally understand if he didn't want my body.

To be honest, he has never been able to sexually satisfy me. He is the merely person I take e'er been intimate with, and from the commencement, I was always left wanting more after our lovemaking. I think information technology was over a year before he brought me to climax. Early on in our marriage, I learned to satisfy myself. The offset fourth dimension information technology was kind of by blow. Merely when I felt what I had been missing, I kept on doing it, until information technology became a habit. For many years, I enjoyed our lovemaking, but it was never enough. Gradually, my interest in lovemaking declined, until information technology became non-existent.

For a while, I could become aroused for our intimate sessions by thinking about romantic scenes from movies or books. I would get myself worked upward at times when I knew he would want to make love. Spontaneity didn't piece of work, because it didn't allow me fourth dimension for fantasization. But and so, that strategy no longer worked. I would get myself excited, but as soon equally he would start something, my body would turn off. People say that touching your partner to delight him can arouse yourself, but the thought of doing that to him but disgusts me.

Eventually, he gave upwards foreplay, because it wasn't helping. In deference to me, now he but insists on sex once every few months, thankfully, only I dread it every time. It actually has become quite painful for me, fifty-fifty with lubricants.

To him, I blame my lack of desire on menopause. What he doesn't know, and what I can never tell him, is that I tin can and do get aroused, just not by him.

So what do I do? Get to therapy? I would be mortified! I doubt whatever words of advice would be helpful. I just proceed hoping that he will lose interest as he ages.

I write this for validation. There must be other women out there in the aforementioned situation, correct?

I keep telling myself, love is a verb.

Hearts and Lattes (writer) on March 21, 2020:

Since this effect is multi-faceted and involves many people, I suggest therapy sessions for you and your husband. Best wishes to you lot.

confusedasalways3192sgl on March xx, 2020:

Mine is arranged marriage and I chose my husband because he was from It and idea that he could empathise me as well equally my career well. He is brusque and Baldy. I didn't give importance to this fifty-fifty if I had concerns about them because he seemed good. But gradually he started showing his true colours. And so later engagement i asked my parents to phone call the wedlock off. They didn't do because many people knew that I am getting married and my parents didn't want to have a bad image. I fifty-fifty informed my husband now that I was not feeling attracted towards him and I am non ready. He too created scene. Yet we got married. Outset two months were good. He was very touchy and wanted to have sexual practice always. But I needed some time since I all the same hadn't had felt emotionally or physically prophylactic with him. I asked him time and suggested that we tin can exist like friends for some fourth dimension and permit'southward get-go slowly. But he took this affair to his parents and they all yelled at me for using the term "Friends". They asked me why did they get us married if we had to exist like friends. He was sharing all matters of me too with his sister. They brand fun of me in their conversation. She insists him to control me. I have asked him not to share everything with his sis. But he took it in a wrong style and blames me that I try to seperate him from his sis. He restricts my office timings. He never takes me on trips. He always thinks about money. He and his family enquire me to change company even if he earns pretty well. He wants me to talk more and blames that I don't behave like girl. I brand household chores and fifty-fifty cook good. But he is not satisfied of what I exercise. He blames me that I don't continue my house neat. Nosotros have had several discussions and at present I don't experience attracted towards him at all. He doesn't concur most his mistakes. He always blames me. I am not able to live with him. Subsequently each give-and-take with family, I help him with sex activity life too even if I don't feel intimate with him. I try my best. And we were having once in a week. He says that it's non plenty. He doesn't requite me time to heal and he complains that he has given me 1 year of time. He e'er wants things in his mode. He commands to have baby just because their family are asking to have. He doesn't concord to have protection during intercourse and asks me to take pills. I don't know what to practice. I go mad. I don't desire to live with him. We have a big family unit. They think it's a small trouble and inquire me to adjust with him. I am not able to live with him. I am having sleepless nights. I have tried to make him understand, merely he always takes it in a wrong way. I am going mad daily. I am fighting alone

Hearts and Lattes (writer) on Oct 07, 2019:

Paris, I can imagine this situation is difficult for yous. In my feel intimacy solves a lot of problems or makes them better. Run across if you can exist intimate with him presently and on a more regular basis. This might help. Adept luck!

Paris Dear on October 07, 2019:

Howdy, i have been with my significant other for about half dozen years, lately i been unattractive to him sexually. it has brought issues to our human relationship to the point where he has mention divorce. He asks me if i'm not attracted to him anymore and i cant confess afraid to injure his feelings. As well he says if i don't accept feelings for him he rather go separate ways. I don't desire to lose my family unit. i feel like it can be fix with fourth dimension just he has no patience.

Hearts and Lattes (author) on July 26, 2019:

Hello, I empathise it is very frustrating to be in this very common situation. There are many men and women married to people who are shut to ideal spouses but they lack the concrete allure. Whatsoever yous do, please stick to your guns most not sleeping with anyone else while yous're married. The desire for mating with a good domestic partner vs good sexual partner has been a struggle throughout all of human history and e'er will be. Call back of information technology this mode as well: There are many women married to men that sexually turn them on but are no practiced otherwise. They no doubt think about the guy with better traits that got away. There is no perfect resolution. We are all wired to accept desires. And when those desires are fulfilled, nosotros want something or someone else. I want to give you an answer that you would honey, but I am afraid that there is none. I recommend marital counseling if you seek existent help with this issue. Personally I think growing old comfortably with someone you can trust and loves you tops all of the residue. I say that knowing lust tin be a very real and ongoing struggle. I wish y'all all the best.

Sasha Foster on July 26, 2019:

This article really speaks to me, but I really need some help! My husband and I have been married for 9 years, together for thirteen. I truly exercise honey him, merely am not (nor have I e'er been) sexually attracted to him.

We don't have whatever children, but have been trying to take a child for some time. We have a good life and habitation together, but I miss great sex in my life. I miss being able to become turned on and excited by the man that I am with. I married him for the qualities that you mentioned in this article....he is a skillful man and provider. He has great hubby and begetter qualities. We exercise take fun together and enjoy spending time with one another (when we aren't arguing of course). When nosotros first met, I was more than attracted to his personality than I was his physical looks. I had convinced myself that this was the man who was meant for me, considering he checked all the boxes....except the sex box. Notwithstanding, I knew what great sex was similar, merely none of the men could corporeality or compare to the homo he is. Those men were crappy and in no fashion could become good husbands and fathers in my eyes at the time.

And then I called it a "sacrifice" and I built a life with a homo who made me a better person overall. The sexual activity was awful in the beginning, and it is still awful to this day. Is this how I am supposed to alive my sex life? I cringe every time he touches me. He is not sexy and does not turn me on. He is not an ugly man, only just doesn't do annihilation for me sexually. I exercise love him, and would like to be sexually attracted to him, but I never have....and don't think I always volition. I had hoped the sexual allure would grow over the years, but information technology has not.

Then now what? Practise I keep pushing an envelope that isn't there? We do take sex, but much of it is forced and faked. We have had decent sexual moment in the past, but they have been few and far betwixt. And most of them have been argument makeup sexual activity, or me settling for my married man later I have gotten turned on by something or something else.

I wish he was the type of person that would be accepting of an "open human relationship." I don't necessarily want to surrender the life I have, and I recall I would miss him if he wasn't effectually anymore. Withal, I'm not sure if it'southward because I volition truly miss him or if I would miss the only affair I've known for the concluding 13+ years.

I take recently met a man that checks every box that I could have e'er thought of. I am likewise much older and know what I want more than than what I did in my early 20s. I want to accept sex with him And then badly, but am adamant near being good and faithful. This human being checks fashion more boxes than my current husband could always, and the sexual attraction is absolutely unreal. What am I supposed to exercise with this? Where am I to get? And who is to say in that location isn't something wrong with this human also....after all, I have non known him for the amount of time I accept known my husband. I know that I am non supposed to have these feelings for another homo, and I know the grass isn't always greener on the other side. However, I am and then unfilled in my marriage, and my married man just isn't capable of filling the gaps. Exercise I go on sub-happy and unfulfilled? Do I walk abroad from my less than perfect situation, knowing the next won't be perfect either, but I struggle near thinking of the 20/30/40 years with the current married man that I have. I'one thousand simply not as happy as I would like to be. And my husband naked repulses me. :( There are MANY other issues that arise in our marriage, simply this is one I merely practise not know how to fix.

Please help!

Hearts and Lattes (writer) on April 27, 2019:

How-do-you-do Natasha,

It is wonderful that you are embarking on a possible future with a new husband. Beware, yes, your concerns could be a problem in marriage.

You lot will want to ensure that you will be physically intimate with the homo you marry. Considering if not it is considered "abandonment of affection" under the constabulary, and grounds for divorce.

People'south natural attractiveness is mostly highest when they are immature adults, and then you should wait that someone would not become more than physically attractive over time.

People also do non mostly change into who we want them to be. You will need to accept this man for who he is and what he looks like, and decide beforehand whether you would slumber with him when married. This volition save you lot both time, money, and heartache.

Finally, annotation that no one is ever going to exist the perfect partner. Physical allure comes and goes, and is not the all-time footing for marriage. It sounds like this man has a lot of proficient traits. We are besides not necessarily promised a great homo in the time to come if we laissez passer up a groovy man today. You lot will take to make this important decision wisely.

Best of luck to yous.

natasha94 on April 25, 2019:

I am 24 and my swain is 29 and we both are from Indian background. I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for two and a half years. When he commencement asked me out, I wasn't sure but he was beingness consistent and I thought I should give information technology a effort. everything worked out. During the start of the relationship I was happy with the physical relationship we had even so it slowly died down. I dear hugging, cuddling, kissing him, sometimes a picayune more than only I don't feel like having sex with him. I take never had sex with anyone simply been more sexually close with my ex-boyfriend than I accept with my current beau. he loves me a lot and takes care of me so much. He is financially at a much meliorate position than I am but I expect a piddling more than attractive than he does. I don't accept major issues with his looks as such but I think if he looks better it might aid me get attracted towards him. I retrieve he could exist a groovy husband except for the fact that I lately don't observe him attractive enough. I start focusing on his little mistakes and get annoyed at him when later on I realise that information technology wasn't worth getting bellyaching at. I want to marry him and we were thinking of getting engaged merely I would similar to know if this could cause bug in marriage.

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Source: https://pairedlife.com/problems/Im-Not-Attracted-to-My-Husband-Sexually-What-to-Do

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